Are You A Chiropractic "Survivor"?

By William N. Willis, D.C.

Each week, millions of us become glued to our TV screens as we watch in rapt amazement as a group of real people struggle against the elements and themselves and compete in insane contests to be the last "survivor."

For the uninitiated, the "Survivor" weekly series — now in its third season — places a group of men and women in a remote location, such as an island; the setting this season is in Africa. Participants in this thoroughly modern game show must undergo a series of tests, which can range from eating bugs to enduring hostile conditions, in order to score points for their team or tribe. Then, one by one, members are "voted off" by their compatriots, usually because they’re not contributing enough to the team. Toward this end, competitors start forging alliances and scheming and strategizing so that they will be the ultimate "survivor."

Although we’re entertained by these antics and may enjoy watching them, we’re probably also glad we aren’t the ones eating bugs! Still, many of us have more in common with this Hollywood concoction than we might think. Many people, including a number in the chiropractic profession, have reached a point where they’re in a "survivor" mode in their own lives. Everyday life has reached a frenzied pace, and we are confronted each day with dangers both near and remote: Will we lose our job? Is that letter filled with anthrax?

Is there any wonder that powerful anti-depressant drugs are among the most often prescribed medications in America today?

Unresolved Issues
Some of this fear can be attributed to the uncertainty of our times, but much of it reaches far deeper into the core of who we are and how we live our lives.

Many of us have been cast into our own survivor dramas by a series of unresolved issues. Many doctors are being held back from achieving their full potential because they have not been able to deal with issues like anger, forgiveness, anxiety, kindness and the need to turn their "scars into stars."

Some may say these are just internal issues. What influence can they have over the external issue of my practice? The answer, quite simply, is that they have a profound effect. The world of our practice — our external world — can be no better than our internal world. If we are plagued by unresolved issues, such as wounds that have been inflicted on us by others and by our own sense of failure, then those issues will manifest themselves in our office and in our life.

How do you go about dealing with these issues so that you can turn your internal conflicts into resources for advancement and self-fulfillment? In future columns, I’ll continue examining some of these basic ideas.

Your ability to create a balanced and powerful internal life is just as important as anything you may seek to do in your external life. You can successfully pick the right office software and adjusting tables, but if you don’t pick the right equipment for dealing with your own emotions and the people you come in contact with, then it’s unlikely you’ll be successful for very long.

One of the most basic of these issues is forgiveness. While this may sound like a strange place to start, I’ve found that one of the biggest stumbling blocks to success is the old resentments, animosities and unresolved anger that we feel toward others.

John was a promising young man who came through my chiropractic classes. Following graduation, he took his newly earned D.C. degree and opened an office with a fellow classmate named Sam in a booming community in the Southwest.

Everything seemed to be going well. Patient visits were going up as referrals increased. The two young men had taken out a sizable loan to build out a new clinic in a building fronting a busy highway. Money was flowing freely and the future looked bright.

It took John three years to come to the realization that the practice partner whom he trusted was stealing from him. By the time it became obvious, the business was in deep trouble and there were no funds to pay off the sizable business loans they had taken on. Then there were the IRS agents who materialized to audit the books and discover why no taxes had been paid.

Sam folded his tent and disappeared into the night, while John was left holding the bag. Five years later, he was eking out a living. Consumed by bitterness, he had lost the easy touch that had attracted patients. He hated his former partner for what he had done. He stopped thinking about healing and became consumed by anger — both for Sam and for his own trusting nature.

At one time or another, every one of us has been wronged – often by someone we trusted or held in high regard. Many times the wrong is so bad that we can’t forgive, and we carry the scar with us to the grave. Maybe it was a teacher in school who treated us unfairly. Perhaps it was a business associate like Sam who cheated us. Maybe it was a family member who cut us with their words and left a wound that never healed.

For many, life is like the words of the Paul Simon tune, "The Boxer."

"In the clearing stands a boxer
And a fighter by his trade
And he carries the reminder
Of every glove that laid him down
And cut him till he cried out
In his anger and his shame
‘I am leaving. I am leaving.’
But the fighter still remains."

Finding The Truth
Whatever the cause, the blows that we take can fuel our negativity and anger for that person. Like John, we create a poison that we continually feed to ourselves, while hoping that it kills our enemy. Like so many misguided notions, it only hurts us and not our intended target.

Perhaps we do think we have forgiven the person who harmed us. Sometimes we confuse forgetting with forgiving. Or, perhaps we pretend that it never happened. Neither of these approaches deals with the core issues, nor do they truly heal our own wounds.

That doesn’t work, and neither does "whitewashing" the incident and pretending that it wasn’t important. We can pretend that it was really a minor incident and that we don’t care what happened. Usually we’re just lying to ourselves. In fact, we usually pursue this angle in order to avoid confrontation with the real issue and just how much we were affected by it. We deny the anger and bitterness we really feel toward that person.

Perhaps we drift into self-pity and mournfully ask, "Why would anyone want to hurt me?"

The fact is that true forgiveness must begin with truth. There must be an understanding of why you were hurt by this person’s words or actions. You have to accept the severity of the wrong. There’s no getting around the fact that something bad happened and that it wasn’t right. You can’t be wishy-washy and try to pretend that you weren’t hurt. You must accept the full depth of the wrong.

At the same time, you must realize that your rights end with the desire to get even. Even if the object of your anger has committed a crime that must be punished, it is not your personal right to dole out that punishment. Vengeance and judgment are not ours to exact. That’s left to society and the criminal justice system. Your task is to let go of the desire for revenge.

Our best course is to consider what we can learn from the experience. If, for example, we made a bad loan to someone who now can’t pay it back, then we know that in the future we have to exercise better judgment about those with whom we share our resources.

We will have many opportunities to drink the poison of non-forgiveness. Throughout our lives, we will suffer wounds that we carry deep within our hearts and souls as we encounter problems, attacks and offenses. From these encounters, we have a choice of moving forward or holding on to our anger as we squeeze the poison of unforgiveness into our bottle and eagerly drink it down. The best course, however, is to put the bottle aside, face the situation with truth, and forgive.

About the authors: William N. Willis, D.C., a 1977 Life College graduate, manages a private practice and is a professor at Life University, where he formerly served as division chair of chiropractic sciences. The Georgia Council of Chiropractic named him "Chiropractor of the Year" in 1994, and he was selected as Life’s Alumnus of the Year in 1988. He spent many years as a practice management consultant, in addition to teaching the principles of running a successful practice to thousands of students through his college courses. Inquiries may be addressed to him at Willis Chiropractic Clinic, 2829 Dallas St., Kennesaw, GA 30144; call (770) 429-0707; or fax (770) 425-9020.

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