Fresh Fire, Fresh Wind
By William N. Willis, D.C.
What do you want most out of life? While many might answer wealth or a rewarding
career, what most people crave and often don’t quite know how to get are
friends.
It’s easy to find many approximations of friendship in our culture today,
but most are about commerce rather than true affinity. The salesman at the car
dealership wants to tell you about his vacation when you really just want to
know about the blue Chevy, while the insurance salesman is deeply interested
in your future—provided you buy a whole life policy.
Friendship is vital to our lives and to our success. Anyone who does not know
how to cultivate true friendship will find it almost impossible to advance in
a career or in life in general. People with whom we develop close relationships
add color and spice to our lives. They support us when we’re down and help
to advance our cause on the way up. You will do things for a friend that you
would never consider doing for anyone else.
In business, there’s a saying that all things being equal, you’ll
always do business with people you like, and all things being unequal, you’ll
do business with people you like.
In truth, the void that so many people feel at the core of their being is caused
by an absence of true friendship. There is an art to friendship just as there
is an art to the chiropractic adjustment that gives new life and health to our
patients.
There is a tremendous interest in friendship today. Some of our most popular
TV shows are all about the relationships between people who like each other
and share their personal joys and sorrows. Think about the long-running sitcom
Friends or the equally popular cast of twisted buddies on Seinfeld.
A search on the Internet for the keyword “friendship” will return
more than 3 million hits, and a review of 240 top references found that all
but four were directed at women.
That’s not at all surprising, considering that, plainly, women understand
and are better at friendship than men. Unlike “go-it-alone” and “always-be-strong”
men, women seem to grasp the need for intimacy between friends.
One of the truly beneficial aspects of so many women entering the workforce
at every level—including the top ranks of business—is that they are
bringing their understanding of relationships to the job.
The Meaning Of Friendship
If you want to be successful at the seemingly lost art of friendship, you need
to understand what friendship is and what it is not. Not every relationship
between friends is the same. There are different levels of friendship. There
are friends for different times and different seasons. Friendships do not always
last a lifetime, but they may last long enough to serve their purpose. The rare
friend is that person who is defined as the one who walks into the room to be
with us when everyone else has departed.
Over the years, one of the greatest examples of a true master of the art of
friendship that I have known has been Dr. Gerry Clum, who is the longtime president
of Life Chiropractic College West and a leader in the profession. I have had
the opportunity to observe and learn from him.
He has often demonstrated how developing true lasting friendships can broaden
your influence in both your personal and professional life. Many who work with
him in the professional organizations in which he serves regard him as a true
friend. He is a person who they trust and look to for advice because of their
long-standing personal relationships.
One of the great Proverbs says, “Iron sharpens iron; so a man sharpens
the countenance of his friend.” Two friends who come together in a meeting
of minds can focus their thoughts, ideals and goals. People affect and mold
each other for good or bad. In other words, we become like those with whom we
spend our time.
That’s why it’s so important to choose your friends well, so that
their influence is positive and uplifting.
Friends can help us along the path by serving a particular need. You may have
a friend for a reason—a person comes into your life when you need them
during a certain event. Perhaps you’re coping with the death of a spouse
or a child. Perhaps you’re going through a divorce or the loss of employment.
They give you strength and guidance and they often become the rock upon which
you build your recovery from a traumatic experience.
Into our lives will also come many that are simply friends for a season. They
are there to help you in your quest for maturity. Then there are those who become
friends for a lifetime. These are friends with whom we forge a strong and unbreakable
bond. Time may pass when we never exchange a word, but when they come back into
our lives we seemingly pick up where we left off.
Friends can serve many purposes, but the best friends are those who perform
several vital roles in our lives. They teach us and help us to mature. They
encourage us. They hold us accountable for our actions. They serve as mentors
when we need them. And sometimes they are simply there for us, giving us their
own quiet strength.
There is a saying that “you can’t make any new old friends.”
Friendship means building long-term relationships that are mutually beneficial.
Friends can have a powerful and often life-altering effect on us. For that reason,
we should be slow to choose our friends, and once they’re chosen, even
slower in releasing them.
Because of the influence that friends can have on us, is there any wonder that
parents constantly ask their kids about the people with whom they’re spending
time? They know that the best friends are those who bring out the best in us,
not the worst.
Four Types Of Friends
Friends are those who can truly listen to our story. They are people who can
change your life by their presence in it. Sometimes you may struggle with them,
but through that engagement you are shaped into something better.
In my own experience, I’ve found there are essentially four types of friends.
The first of these is the “developer.” This is the person who brings
out the best in you and helps you to become the person you can and should be.
This is the person who encourages you as you walk the path and can serve as
a mentor in your development.
A “designer” friend brings ideals and concepts to your attention.
This person shares the right books, tapes and articles with you at just the
right time and introduces you to concepts about business, health and professional
development that you need, when you need them.
The “disturber” is a friend who asks questions: “Why aren’t
you doing lay lectures and spinal screenings if you want to recruit more patients?
Why are you eating out every day and charging the meals on your credit card
rather than reserving credit for tangible assets that can help to grow your
business?” They ask the difficult questions we want to ignore. In many
respects, they are the hardest friends to have, but they can also be the most
beneficial.
The “discerner” friend is a variation on the disturber. This person
holds you accountable. You said you’re going to jog two miles every day?
Well, they’re standing outside your door at 6 a.m. asking why you don’t
have your running shoes on and are ready to go. They’re never “yes
men” because they respect the person you should be, rather than the person
you sometimes manifest. Their advice can always be trusted, because they relate
to you out of total integrity and honesty.
Do you have these friends in your life yet? Too many people just let friendship
happen with little thought to the effect—good and ill—that people
have on our lives. Do you go to lunch each day with the person who happens to
be standing at the door? Many people place greater emphasis on their choice
of a car color than on selecting the people they spend their time with every
day.
That approach cannot be for you. You must choose your friends carefully with
an eye to the type of person you are and—more importantly—the type
of person you wish to become. Whether we like it or not, we model ourselves
after those we spend the most time with during our lives.
If you wish to enjoy a large and successful practice, make sure that you’re
cultivating friendships with people who can help you obtain that goal. Seek
out a doctor who already cares for several hundred patients a week, rather than
hanging out with negative and unsuccessful doctors. In all likelihood, you’ll
be pulled down to their level rather than pulling them up to yours.
Friendship, like life itself, is a choice. You can plan your friendships as
you should be planning your life, or you can just let them happen to you. Great
friendships, like success itself, almost never come to those who do not seek
them out.
About the author: William N. Willis, D.C., manages a private practice and is
a professor at Life University, where he formerly served as division chair of
the chiropractic sciences department. Inquiries may be addressed to him at Willis
Chiropractic Clinic, 2829 Dallas St., Kennesaw, GA 30144; call (770) 429-0707,
or fax (770) 425-9020.
© Copyright 2002 Today's Chiropractic